It's All Part of My Game, Yo
Tips on Dating for Women
I have dated 8 men in the past 4 months. I keep count. I have to so I don’t go overboard. Dating includes: Any guy I have kissed. This does not necessarily include dishwashing, ok? I am not that big of a whore.
Here are some tips I’ve learned from my FAT 8.
1. The woman should always pay for the first meal if she digs the guy. Always. There are three reasons for this:
Number A: It makes the guy happy because, let’s face it, all men are cheap.
Number B: The woman doesn’t feel like she has to put out because he splurged on her 7 Layer Burrito.
Number C: It’s all about manipulation ladies. “When on a date, man-ip-u-late!” That’s my cheer that I do in my head. Buy purchasing the first meal, the fella thinks She’s different. She doesn’t want me for my money. Haha. What an idiot. Then you can take advantage of him, and suck him dry (monetarily, of course), and make him buy you a Vette and some fake boobs. See what a wise investment that first meal is?
2. Men don’t like women who like them. This is why guys always go for the bitches. So you have to be a little mean sometimes. For example, after he kisses you, exclaim:Jesus Christ, I am so glad you finally kissed me. I was getting so sick of listening to your blahblahblah-shit-that-i-don’t-care-about-blahblahblah.
It sounds mean, but trust me, the dudes effing love it.
3. When he pulls back to tell you that you are an awesome kisser, tell him “Daddy says I’m the best”. Extra points if he gets the movie reference.
4. Grab his thingy and say, “I think your cell phone is going off”
5. If he gets too emotional (as men often do), stop him before it gets too late. I guess guys are used to hanging out with other guys and you KNOW all they discuss is sports and stink bait vs. live worms, so when they get around a lady, they think it is acceptable to drone on and on about random emotion-filled crap. Tell him “Sack Up, Pussy” and then ask him sweetly for another beer. He will appreciate it. He will appreciate you.
If you have any other tips on dating, please feel free to post them in my comments section located below. Have a nice day, bitches!
Note: I hate it when people describe letters with the word "number". Number A. I wrote it just to irritate myself because I am a self-loathing broad. I did it on purpose. I don't need your whiney emails explaining how numbers are not letters, ok? Ok. So shut up.
posted by Crystal at 12:30 PM 12 comments
I have dated 8 men in the past 4 months. I keep count. I have to so I don’t go overboard. Dating includes: Any guy I have kissed. This does not necessarily include dishwashing, ok? I am not that big of a whore.
Here are some tips I’ve learned from my FAT 8.
1. The woman should always pay for the first meal if she digs the guy. Always. There are three reasons for this:
Number A: It makes the guy happy because, let’s face it, all men are cheap.
Number B: The woman doesn’t feel like she has to put out because he splurged on her 7 Layer Burrito.
Number C: It’s all about manipulation ladies. “When on a date, man-ip-u-late!” That’s my cheer that I do in my head. Buy purchasing the first meal, the fella thinks She’s different. She doesn’t want me for my money. Haha. What an idiot. Then you can take advantage of him, and suck him dry (monetarily, of course), and make him buy you a Vette and some fake boobs. See what a wise investment that first meal is?
2. Men don’t like women who like them. This is why guys always go for the bitches. So you have to be a little mean sometimes. For example, after he kisses you, exclaim:Jesus Christ, I am so glad you finally kissed me. I was getting so sick of listening to your blahblahblah-shit-that-i-don’t-care-about-blahblahblah.
It sounds mean, but trust me, the dudes effing love it.
3. When he pulls back to tell you that you are an awesome kisser, tell him “Daddy says I’m the best”. Extra points if he gets the movie reference.
4. Grab his thingy and say, “I think your cell phone is going off”
5. If he gets too emotional (as men often do), stop him before it gets too late. I guess guys are used to hanging out with other guys and you KNOW all they discuss is sports and stink bait vs. live worms, so when they get around a lady, they think it is acceptable to drone on and on about random emotion-filled crap. Tell him “Sack Up, Pussy” and then ask him sweetly for another beer. He will appreciate it. He will appreciate you.
If you have any other tips on dating, please feel free to post them in my comments section located below. Have a nice day, bitches!
Note: I hate it when people describe letters with the word "number". Number A. I wrote it just to irritate myself because I am a self-loathing broad. I did it on purpose. I don't need your whiney emails explaining how numbers are not letters, ok? Ok. So shut up.
posted by Crystal at 12:30 PM 12 comments
posted by Ev at 11:48 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home