Dating Tip #8

So Mike…yeah. Mike. Hmm. I like Mike. Last Friday he came to my place and we watched movies and ordered pizza. He likes to make out and I like to make him pay attention to the movie. Don’t get me wrong, I like making out too, but the first few dates, a girl has to set her boundaries.

TIP #8: It is crucial to be a tease for the first month of a relationship (not that Mike and I have a relationship). A good way to do this:

1. Grab his face and kiss him like an algae eater in a dirty fishtank.
2. Slide your hand up the sleeve of his t-shirt. Guys love that crap. Touching their muscles makes them feel like some sort of Adonis. Run your fingernails across his back.
3. Right when he is trying to take of your shirt, start staring at the television or look at your watch. Push him off of you and say, “Wait. This is the best part.” Or “Wow. 8:15! We are missing the Lifetime Original, ‘A Woman Betrayed’ with Meredith Baxter-Birney!” and then get up and make popcorn.

By engaging in some hardcore making out, you are letting him know that you like him. By stopping for no good reason, you show him that he is not THAT great of a kisser and you don’t like him THAT much. You are telling his subconscious that Meredith Baxter-Birney has more game than he does.

You must not let your fellow know that his kisses make your insides turn to jelly until way later. You must not let him know that you have imagined having his babies until never. This lets him know that he still has to TRY. When men get their foot in the door, they get cocky and think they can slap that ass whenever they feel like it.

posted by Crystal at 12:45 PM 5 comments